Snow Day

Today is really just another day in Calgary. This morning I woke up and the same storm that has been raging since sometime yesterday morning is still raging. Last night I stayed in, watched some movies and wished I still had some hot chocolate with whipped cream left. That has been my latest indulgence! And I am not ashamed. The few extra calories has been worth it.

My mind is running a mile a minute, as it does nearly everyday. On days like today, I find myself either catching up on movies on movie central or reading a good book. Or cleaning. But when my mind isn't otherwise occupied, I find myself reminiscing on my life and the direction it has taken. I find myself wondering how I got to where I am today. For the most part, I'm happy. Or so I'd like to trick myself into thinking. I have a great job, great co-workers and wonderful friends and family (though they live far away mostly).

Despite the good in my life, I still feel like I'm at a fork in the road and I don't know which road to take. I'm not who I thought I would be. I'm also not what others would like me to be and I don't have the drive or confidence to do what I want to do. I don't drink or party and I'm not the perfect "Mormon" girl. What I mean by that is that I'm not the girl who grew up LDS who has everything laid out for me. I didn't go to BYU and at 28 years old, I am nowhere near becoming a housewife and starting a family like most of my friends have done. I'm still single, not dating and I take every day in stride. I have dreams but they are just dreams. I'm not the person I was hoping I would be. Since I was young, I have wanted a family. I wanted to be that woman who got married before 25 and already starting a family. That's what I want. Yet, I don't have the drive to do what it takes to do that. Because of how I've been treated all my life by people close to me, I've got trust issues that keep me from getting close to anyone that isn't already a part of my life and I don't know how to change my perspective.

Tomorrow I will wake up and probably shovel my walk from all this snow. I'll probably clean some more, watch a movie and read some of the book I'm currently reading. Perhaps I'll run some errands, go to the gym and reminisce some more. I'll do that because that is my life. Maybe one day I'll meet someone who will change my perspective on life, if I'm lucky enough. Maybe I won't. I don't know. But until then, I'll keep on trying to find a way to start believing in love and life again.

“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s” Exodus 20:17

On my way home from work today, my mind was running a mile a minute. Today I discovered at work that some things have change that I'm not entirely happy about, but it got me thinking about some other things in my life that haven't gone exactly as I've wanted, and it all lead to the above scripture and commandment. It makes a lot more sense to me. There are I'm sure plenty of reasons that this commandment was given, but I think one of the main reasons is because of what it does to our psyche.

How many times have you sat down and thought to yourself how much you hate your life and wished you were someone else? Or looked at someone else and thought, “must be nice to have everything handed to you!” or something along those lines. Well, I'm not afraid to admit that I've been one of those people. It's so easy to get caught up in what is happening in our own lives because that is what we know. People go hungry around the world and so many people are suffering through natural disasters and war, but what we think about is what is happening in front of our faces. It's human nature. It's one of the main factors in depression and what commonly leads to suicide. Now, I'm not saying that I'm suicidal; I'm simply making a point.

What happened at work is that they are starting to schedule me in for Sunday's. I haven't had to work Sunday's in YEARS. Now, to most, this may not seem like a big deal; however, for me it's a huge deal. In my church we don't work on Sunday's and it's a very important thing for me to follow. It's not as though I'm going to hell if I do, but it's a commandment and it's also important to me because of what the day represents. The more I thought about it though the more I realized how lucky I am. There are so many things I love about my job and so much they've done for me and I've been really lucky up until this point and so I've decided not to make a big fuss over it. My job is shift work and many people in many other fields have to go through it, so why can't I?

This led me to other things in my life that I've been thinking about. I've found myself over and over again in a place where I have found a reason not to be happy. I keep telling myself it's only been the last couple of years, but anyone who truly knows me knows it's been for far longer than that. Everything that has happened to me over the last couple of years has really only added to an already declining mental state of mind that I've been well aware of but too afraid to truly face. Over my 28 years of life I have had so many interactions with people whether family. romantic relationships or supposed friends that has given me every reason not to trust people and it has caused me to build up walls and back into corners. It’s ironic to think that in my everyday life I can’t open up and tell anybody anything for fear of how they’ll judge me, but here I am exposing myself to the world via a blog. Maybe it’s because it’s unlikely very many people will actually read it, who knows. Either way, it needs to get out. I feel as though I’ll explode if I don’t get it out. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to be what so many people are fooled into thinking: outgoing, happy and completely carefree! And that is true. That's who I truly am; that person just backs away every time someone does something that gives me a reason to think they'll betray my trust or hurt me. I don't like it. I want that way of thinking to change, I just don't know how.

A wise person once said, “Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break it down.” I have no idea who said it, but I couldn't have said it better.

Biggest Loser Update and High School Reunion!

Time for an update! First things first, I did not win the Biggest Loser challenge at work. It was percentage of weight loss and I did not quite make the cut, though I was farely close. I do think I sabotaged myself just a little bit, but I`m still as motivated as ever. Today after work, for example, I didn`t feel like going to the gym. So, I went to the gym! My legs are burning and my arms are still somewhat recovering from my training session with my trainer yesterday, but it`s a great feeling. I`m down to a size 14 jeans and I`m still losing inches. Slowly, but surely. Since the weather is slowly getting colder, I'm not riding my bike as much so I'm doing the bike's at the gym so I can get my legs ready for next summer. I badly need to go shopping, so I'm slighly lacking the the healthier side of things, but I still make eggs most mornings and I'm still not buying food outside of home. My meals are decent, but I'm in need of fruit. I'm craving cherries still, but sadly they're out of season.

In other news, my high school reunion is coming up real fast and I really, REALLY want to go. I'm not sure how it's going to work as of yet, since I technically can't afford it. I'm thinking about flying standby. I'm pretty sure I'll have the weekend off so if I do go I'll be flying out Friday night and coming home Sunday. We shall see how that plays out. I'm also not sure where I'll be staying exactly or how I'm getting to the golf course where it's at, but I'm sure I'll be able to grab a ride with someone if need be. Plenty of people are going and I SO badly want to see them! I didn't technically graduate ( long story ) but these are my class mates. Many of them I've known since Elementary and like my friend told me when we talked about it a couple of years ago, it doesn't matter whether we graduated together, they're still my graduating class. It's been 10 years and it would be great to see everyone and see how much we've all changed since high school. Facebook is great, but it's so much better to party and really catch up.

Thus ends my long overdue rants. I'll try to keep up on these more often; sorry for keeping you all waiting! Until next time...

John Quincy Adams once said, " If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”

Today I had an amazing workout with my trainer! We did some cardio but a lot of weights. Every time I train with her she is showing me new things. I've never been so motivated before at the gym. The way we workout makes it so much easier and my heart rate is constantly up which helps immensenly. Even in a mere hour, I feel like I've worked out in double the time.

The last time I went shopping, I discovered this AMAZING new product. Well, perhaps only new to me. It could've been around a little bit longer than I may realize. This company is from Italy and decided to give us an easiter way to eat pasta and in controlling the intake of carbs into our bodies. I LOVE pasta. My problem, however, is that I have a hard time with portion control. I suck at figuring out how much pasta to put in the water for 1 or 2 servings especially being a single person, but when I went shopping at Superstore last weekend I found a cure! This product has little nests ready made for you and all you need to do is put it in the water. Each nest is 1 serving. So, if I want some pasta with my meal I just drop a couple of bundles into the water and in mere minutes it is ready to go. And, thankfully, I found some delicious organic pasta sauce to go with it. It's perfect for when I'm craving some spaghetti but I don't have to worry about going overboard.

I've already posted this on facebook, but I'll reiiterate for the world. As of this morning I have officially hit my first target! My first target was to lose 50 lbs and I've done it! As of this morning I have officially lost 51.5 lbs! Amazing what hard work and determination can do. My biggest barrier before was my addiction to sugar and weakness in overcoming discouragement which I have finally been able to overcome. The more I see results, the more energized I become for more. Watching my two sisters has has helped a lot as well. My sister Mary has been such an inspiration. I've mentioned her in a previous post I believe. Quite some years ago when she was diagnosed with the same condition as I, she had a different goal/motivation. She and her husband were trying to have a baby and didn't know why they were struggling and after some significant events in our extended families lives, PCOS came to light and my sister suddenly had a reason for why and began to learn the how's to overcome it. She never let anything become a barrier. She lost weight and got her health in check and has since given birth to two additional amazing children to her growing family. Both were and are healthy and just what our whole family needed. My other sister Kathy has always been very active and she has instpired me with her lifestyle and zeal for life and health and nutrition. It has greatly impacted my journey more than she probably realizes. I'm not sure if either of them realize the role they play in my life. I feel more than fortunate to have them for sister's. We've had our bumps in the road, especially with the PCOS and my lack of ability to initially address it (Mary will know what I'm talking about.. lol ), but it has all paid off and has shaped my current progression and results. My long term goal is to be able to get out on the road with them and run alongside them in marathons or just be able to be active with them. It would be the greatest gift.

I can't leave without mentioning my brother; the same whom help create the newest baby in our family. At 16 he was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes and it took years for him to truly get himself in check 100%, but thanks to some eye opening experiences, zeal for life and a wonderful wife ( whom I know has played a big role in his newfound love for running, or at least leading to it) he finally got truly serious about his health and with a lot of hard work has become and avid runner and is very open about it. He blogs about it as well and shares his own journey through his website http://www.robgolbeck.com/ which links to his many websites of his multifaceted persona.

And last but not least, my father. He began his journey after being diagnosed with breast cancer, ( yes, men can get it too) and he began making changes to get healthy and lose weight. The man at 65, yes 65! began riding a bike in Lethbridge across Whoop Up ( yes, when I first saw that, I rose an eyebrow too). He began with riding half way and walking the rest of the way and did not stop until he made he no longer had to get off the bike and walk. The bridge, though not New Westminster ( meaning steepness with hills...), is a very long tough hill if you don't walk, run, bike, skate ect. up it often or are very active. It was certainly an amazing accomplishment and I figure that if he could do it, what the heck is wrong with me that I can't?

So there you have it. A great workout, great options for better eating habits and an astounding family. What more could one ask for?

A baby and more updates!

I've been meaning to update this for a while. Sorry for the delay! Lots has happened since the last update.First things first, about a couple of weeks ago now, my brother and sister welcomed the newest member of our family into the world. My nephew NathanielLawrence Frederick Golbeck was born on July 4th. He was completely unexpected because he was about a month early according to the doctor'scalculations. Despite that, he was born at a healthy weight of 6lbs 3 oz. I'll be in Vancouver next month and I am completely ecstatic to meet him!Time is flying by already. Before we know it, he'll be running around wreaking havoc. They're both brand new parents and I know will be excellentparents. My brother is already so enamoured by him and I know probably had a hard time going to work his first day back.

Now for my weight loss/health update! I'm waiting a bit longer for my next weigh in, but I've continued to do pretty well in my eating and activelifestyle. My trainor is amazing and never ceases to show me new things. Now each workout gets better and better. I've learned how to be moreconsistent in keeping my heart rate up while alternating b/w cardio and weights, but learning to work out my whole body or more than one area witheach excercise. With all the squats i'm doing, I'll be surprised if I don't have night legs and a bum by the end of this. Lol
I'm going to the gym again today after work. My gym is amazing and a great location as well. Though it's a little bit of money for my trainer on topof my membership, it's still completely worth it. I'm already down to a size 16/17 jeans. I was more recently in 19/20 but now they're practically falling off. I've also officially gone down to the lowest size in plus sizes and can not wait to be back into the regular section for clothes shopping.It's still somewhat of a challenge not eating goods with a few extra calories, but it's getting easier and easier. One thing that amazes me thoughis the amount of sodium on the market! I'm not sure if people realize the dangers of too much sodium. It's sad that I can't eat some of my favoritefoods because of it. According to health Canada, we only need about a teaspoon of salt a day to be healthy on average, but with premade soup,ready made meals, or take out food, we consume much, much more than that. This would explain the high risk of heart and health problems in our society because this severely increases our blood pressure which can lead to many other health risks. I've become much more conscious over the lastfew years, but even moreso recently. Tomatoe soup is one of my favorite things and although I've opted for the organic because it's healthier,I've learned that the sodium in it may not be worth it. Perhaps I'll just stick to one bowl a month for a treat to myself.

If anyone has any suggestions for a tasty healthy meal that they would like to share, let me know! I think I'll eventually begin searching and tryingrecipes and eventually post them on the blog. I'll keep everyone updated!

Next month when I go on Vacation will be a bit of a struggle. Travelling rarely brings results, but I'm going to try to stay on top of healthyeating and excercise, so we shall see how that goes.
Thanks for reading and don't forget to comment! Tips and suggestion are always welcome and highly appreciated!

P.S. Any suggestions on good protein foods to help keep me feeling more full during the day to help decrease snacking or want of foods when I don'tnecessarily need it?

Biggest Loser at work, the gym and a cat nap

Today was a good day. Though I did sleep in just a little longer than I initially anticipated, I finally dragged myself out of bed, into the shower and began my day. I decided to make good use out of my bike and rode up the Marlborough Mall for some errands before heading to Sunridge to run a few more. While I was at Sunridge, I remembered that a friend of mine at work had spoken with her gym about a free two week trial at the gym. I should have remembered how that works and that you don't go to a gym for free without first signing up for the remainder of the contract, but it was fine. I had wanted to possibly sign up there anyway because I love it there and the hours are great. Plus, it's literally between my work and home so I can go before work or after work and not lose too much time. Thank goodness for the c-train being right there. I do have a membership at another gym but their hours are horrible and it's very frustrating that I can't use it as much as I would like when it's more convenient for me. My membership is now at World Health and not only do they have showers in the change room, but they also provide shampoo, conditioner and a hair dryer. This means I don't have to lug those things with me if I go before work and worry about getting ready! I love convenience. Also, they now have a dry sauna. My pore's were very happy about that. I'll still be doing some things at home and going on my weekly bike rides around the park next to my house but I'll be able to make some good use out of the gym than ever before. What's great is that I can do some consultations with a trainer as well. I don't like always having someone there but I like having someone start out with me, show me what I need and when the next phase comes up, I can get some help in the next direction so this is perfect. I'm super stoked about it. I forgot to mention that at work we're doing a "Biggest Loser Challenge" and I'm determined to win. Lol My biggest motivation, however, is definitely my health so even when the challenge is complete, I won't stop. I've come this far though, so why would I?

The only thing that is very frustrating is my lack of ability to NOT get heat stroke. It seems to be getting worse as well. Ever since I was young, no matter what I do, I always get heat stroke. It used to be just headaches but over the last couple of months, I've also been getting nausea and it's so annoying. I love being outdoors doing sports, riding my bike or going for a walk and if it's hot out I can't enjoy it. People keep telling me to drink more water but it doesn't make a difference. The manager for the trainers at the gym today suggested High Blood Pressure but directly after I tested it at Shoppers Drug Mart and I was Normal/Optimal. It was neither too low nor high so it can't be the issue. I don't know. If anyone reading this has any suggestions, please let me know. I would love to figure out how to deal with it because I just want to be able to enjoy the outdoors to it's fullness.

The benefit of where I live though is that I'm right next to a park so once it begins to cool down, I can hop on my bike and head over there for a good cardio work out. I can also do some strength and core exercises on the grass area so it's not all bad. It's making life a lot easier in that regard.

It is getting late and I think I've fully recovered from my bout of heat stroke today so I'll be going to bed now. Thursday is my official first day at the gym but I may go tomorrow. If not, I have other plans. I do need to go shopping desperately and add to my fridge. I've got a few good things, but I definitely need a few more things.

That is all for now. My life now consists of work and working out. At some point I need to get more of a life, but for now I'm content with this. Once I have a car life can get busier. It's very warm in my room right now... gosh dangit. Anyone have a fan they aren't using? No? Okay than. Pay Day I may need to take a trip to the store again for one of those.... Though short, summer sure likes to make life uncomfortable if you aren't a person who deals with heat very well.... this cat pretty well sums up what summer is usually like for me when it doesn't cool down...



Until next time.... bon soir!

Patience and Perserverence DOES pay off!

It is amazing what time and patience can do! I've struggled with my weight most of my life but I had no idea that I had it in me to actually do something about it. Since finding out about my PCOS, I have gained more of a desire to get my health in check. My sister has been an amazing example for me because he has the same thing and when she found out, she just kept going until she finally reached her goal but hasn't stopped. It can be a difficult thing sometimes to choose healthy over delicious but healthy CAN be delicious. It also takes time and effort to not only eat right, but get out there and move! But I've done it so far. I could do better, especially food-wise ( more just actually cooking and eating a more balanced diet ) however, I have made some changes that have helped me drastically.

Since the first time a few summers that I stepped on a scale and found out the number I had reached in adulthood, I have been determined to get rid of it. For a while, I did really well. I began to lose and eventually I plateaued and shortly thereafter, stressful situations came into my life and I stopped. And I gained it back. Over the last year or so, I have been trying to focus more and more on my health. In January, however, I had the unfortunate luck to hurt my ankle which hindered my exercise goals. In retrospect, I still ate the right foods, cut out sugar completely out of my diet for about a month ( since then, I'm no longer dependent on sugars ) and have grossly increased my water intake. With a cast and injury, I already started to see a difference. Since healing, I've also been making goals to exercise more and get moving. I've recently purchased a bicycle as well which I've already gotten some excellent use out of. My muscles move better, my clothes are slowly getting smaller and even underwear fits better. It's wonderful! I have more energy and my skin even feels better. The best part, people notice it. That shouldn`t surprise me though considering the amount of weight I`ve lost in total. Are you ready for it?

To date I have officially lost 45 lbs!!! AMAZING! Now I just have to keep going. Along with the weight loss I am trying to teach myself habits that will last a lifetime. I don't just want to lose weight, I want to be healthy and be able to run marathons as well.

My short term goal is to lose 20 lbs at minimum over the summer which will put me not far off from my weight in high school. From there, I would like to lose at least another 30 lbs by the end of the year. That puts me at an average of 8.3 lbs of weight loss each month which is about 2 lbs a week, which is apparently healthy. Given that I am sure to plateau and slow my weight loss the more I lose, I may or may not reach that goal but that isn't going to stop me! Another 78 lbs or so will put me at my "initial" healthy goal weight.

I will continue to blog more often about my weekly health endeavors and share both my accomplishments and healthy finds! If anyone would like to offer tips and advice, they are gladly welcomed.

Health will not be only topic, however. I often have moments of inspiration or a need to express myself in word and this is the best place for it so if I ever rant, feel free to skip it. It's better on paper than in person as most people don't really care what I have to say so thank goodness for the scroll bar on the side of the browser.

Enjoy my blog and comments are both welcomed and encouraged!